Latest Funny Jokes
Welcome to the Funny Jokes Factory. See Our Funny Jokes below.
An old lady visits a doctor’s clinic.
Lady: I have a slight problem with gas, although it doesn’t bother me too much. Whenever I fart, it’s always silent and it never smells. And, to tell you the truth, I’ve farted at least 10 times since I have been here in your clinic. I am sure, you didn’t notice it because there is no smell or sound.
Doctor: I understand. I will give you some pills. Take one pill a day & come back to see me in 4 days.
After 4 days, the old lady comes back and complains to the doctor.
Lady: Doctor, I don’t know what on earth you gave me, but now it stinks terribly whenever I fart.
Doctor: Great! Now that we have cleared up your nose, let’s work on your hearing.
John has 35 candy bars. He eats 31. What does he have now?
Diabetes. John has diabetes.
Husband: Babe, I had an accident after work today. Catherine took me to the hospital. After an X-ray, they said, my knees have dislocated and they will have to amputate my right leg.
Wife: Who is Catherine?
The human body can survive 3 weeks without food, 3 days without water but only 3 hours without wifi.
My blonde girlfriend told me that I was one in a million. When I looked through her text messages I have to admit she was right.
Trust is the most important thing in a relationship. You have to be 100% sure that she won’t tell your wife.
The only woman in my life who regularly calls to see if I’m ok works at MasterCard.
Me: Boss, I’ve got a problem.
Boss: There are no such things as problems, only opportunities.
Me: Oh, OK. I’ve got a serious drinking opportunity.
The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.
Kid: Mommy’s last name must be ‘Honey’ because that’s what dad calls her.
Teacher: That’s sweet. What’s her first name?
Kid: ‘Sorry’ I think.
3 Blondes are watching a horror film.
“We’ve seen this film all the cheerleaders get murdered by the axeman”
“Yeh it’s the creepy old janitor we have seen it.”
So Jenny asks.
“Why are you shushing us? I’ve seen the film, Tiffany’s seen the film, you’ve seen the film we all know what happens.”
And Mandy cries
“But the cheerleaders haven’t seen it, you’re going to scare them!”
I always wonder what the nurses reaction was like after I left a half eaten sandwich in a coma patients hand.
Money who talks.
I’ll never understand women. A species that loathes you for asking their age, but tortures you forever if you forget their birthday.
My annual performance review says I lack “passion & intensity”, guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.
Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man & he doesnt know you’re eating his popcorn.
I don’t mean to brag, but I just completed my 21 day diet in 4 hours and 30 minutes.
I opened Twitter at a red light once, and when I looked up, a week had passed and I was sitting in police impound.
Of all the bodily functions that are contagious, thank god it’s the yawn.
The circles under my eyes are so dark, Animal Planet is following me around filming a documentary about a raccoon out of its natural habitat.
The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money.