Latest Funny Jokes

Welcome to the Funny Jokes Factory. See Our Funny Jokes below.

   

Stamp Collection

My friend returned home all disappointed after his unsuccessful job interview.

I asked him, “You seem well qualified. Why didn’t you get the postman’s job?”

“I don’t know. I wonder if it has something to do with me writing ‘stamp collections’ as my hobby.”

141 9

It hurts everywhere I touch

A blonde goes to the doctor.

Doctor: What seems to be the problem?

She touches her forehead with her finger and says “My head hurts here, ouch”.

She touches her leg with her finger and says “My leg hurts here, ouch”.

Everywhere I touch, it hurts doctor.

The doctor looks over the blonde for a second.

Doctor: Your finger is broken.

96 11

Stress Free

I have been having some health issues lately and so I saw my doctor. She said it’s all because of stress and she suggested that I take up running to beat the stress.

It’s really working. I’ve been running away from my nagging wife, my overbearing boss, and those pesky credit card collectors. I feel so stress free!

114 4

I want that TV

A blonde walks into an appliance store, she goes to the cashier and says “I’d like to buy that television”.

The cashier replies “We don’t sell to blondes”.

Furious, the blonde storms out of the store.

The next day the blonde goes back to the store but with a black wig on. She goes to the same cashier and says “I’d like to buy that television”.

The cashier replies “We don’t sell to blondes”.

Confused and angry the blonde says to him “How do you know I’m blonde? I have a black wig on!”

The cashier replies “Because that’s a microwave, not a television”.

161 3

The guide dogs

A man gets on to an airplane and sits down next to his wife and he’s terrified of flying.

“It’s alright darling the pilots are very skilled”

She says and then he see’s a pilot with dark glasses and a white stick slowly walk up the stairs to the plane guided by the air hostess.

“It’s alright I’m sure the co-pilot does all the looking”

She says, only the co-pilot gets on and he’s also got a white stick and dark glasses.

The plane starts to take off and suddenly the man starts to scream.

“What’s the matter? Why are you panicking now?”

Asks the wife and the man says

“I just looked at the run way and they forgot to take their guide dogs with them!”

86 5

Bob Cut

So a woman is giving a description to a policeman and a sketch artist.

“Well she was 5 foot 6, with green eyes and a cute button nose and full lips and a haircut that’s a bob at the front and long at the back”

“Yes, yes but what did she actually do? This woman.”

Demands the policeman.

“Nothing yet, I just wanted to know what I’d look like with a bob.”

Says the woman.

89 5

Its the only way

Wife comes home from work and notices her husband standing on the bathroom scale.

He sucks his tummy in, before checking his weight.

Wife: Hahaha! You know that sucking the tummy is not going to help.

Husband: It sure does. It’s the only way I can see the numbers.

174 3

The floor is still wet

Police officer on a crime scene calls the station.

Police Officer: I have an interesting case here. The woman shot her husband because he stepped on the floor she just mopped.

Station: Did you arrest her?

Police Officer: No, not yet. The floor is still wet.

155 4

Irony of the Iron

A blonde walks into a doctor’s clinic with both her ears burnt.

Doctor: So, how did this happen?

Blonde: I was ironing my clothes and the phone rang. I picked up the iron by mistake instead of the phone.

Doctor: And what about the other ear?

Blonde: That idiot called again.

161 1

The Noisiest People

A Scottish mother visits her son in his Miami flat.

Mother: So Charlie, How do you find the American people?

Charlie: They are the noisiest people I have met in my entire life. The neighbour in the flat on the left won’t stop banging his head against the wall and the neighbour in the flat on the right, just screams and screams all night long.

Mother: Oh, Charlie! How do you manage to put up with them?

Charlie: What can I do? I just lie in the bed quietly, playing my bagpipes.

145 2

Arab Kid

Arab kid writes a letter to his dad.

Hi Dad,
London is beautiful, nice & I like it.
I’m a bit ashamed to goto college in my ferrari when all my teachers & friends travel by train.
Your Son,
Naseer

Dad’s reply:
Loving Son,
£20,000,000 transferred to your bank account.
Please stop embarrassing yourself.
Go get yourself a train too.

145 2