I say no to alcohol, but it just doesn’t listen.
These mousetraps would probably work a lot better if I didn’t like cheese so much.
My mobile phone spends so much time stuck to a charger, I might as well just call it a land line.
I’m here for whatever you need me to do from the couch.
Find that special person who’ll watch you stare at your phone for the rest of your life.
Wifi went down during family dinner tonight, one kid started talking and I didn’t know who he was.
Life’s a piano and I’m wearing boxing gloves.
He wiped away her tears and accidentally her eyebrows too.
I miss the good old days when “self-checkout” was faster and less complicated and called shoplifting.