I love the great outdoors. I personally spend a lot of time indoors watching nature shows about them.
According to a recent survey
4 out of 5 Urologists smell their apple juice before they drink it.
Women should not have children after 40.
Honestly, 40 children are enough.
A hole was found in the changing room of the national women’s football team.
The police are apparently looking into it.
An annoying person told me “People have 2 Ears and 1 mouth, so they should listen more than they speak.”
I replied “People also have 1 mouth and 2 legs, so maybe you should shut up and go away.”
I think whoever invented the snooze button would have invented it 15 minutes later, if they had a snooze button.
The NHS provides cradle to the grave care. The government just wants to reduce the time between the two.
What’s a stalker and a Pokemon nerd got in common? They both hide in the bushes trying to get a Pikachu.
A good geography teacher should never be able to tell a pupil to get lost.
It sucks playing Hamlet at battleships, once he gets to 2B he can’t make up his mind.
In the beginning, God created the heaven, hell and the earth. After that, everything else was made in China.
The only woman in my life who regularly calls to see if I’m ok works at MasterCard.
The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.
I’ll never understand women. A species that loathes you for asking their age, but tortures you forever if you forget their birthday.
I don’t mean to brag, but I just completed my 21 day diet in 4 hours and 30 minutes.
Most household injuries are caused by saying “whatever” during an argument.
You know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
I wish Monday was as fast as Usain Bolt.
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
I need to stop Binge thinking.
A nice looking girl waved at me earlier today but there was no way I was swimming out that far to save her.