The floor is still wet

Police officer on a crime scene calls the station.

Police Officer: I have an interesting case here. The woman shot her husband because he stepped on the floor she just mopped.

Station: Did you arrest her?

Police Officer: No, not yet. The floor is still wet.

161 5

The Noisiest People

A Scottish mother visits her son in his Miami flat.

Mother: So Charlie, How do you find the American people?

Charlie: They are the noisiest people I have met in my entire life. The neighbour in the flat on the left won’t stop banging his head against the wall and the neighbour in the flat on the right, just screams and screams all night long.

Mother: Oh, Charlie! How do you manage to put up with them?

Charlie: What can I do? I just lie in the bed quietly, playing my bagpipes.

147 4

Arab Kid

Arab kid writes a letter to his dad.

Hi Dad,
London is beautiful, nice & I like it.
I’m a bit ashamed to goto college in my ferrari when all my teachers & friends travel by train.
Your Son,

Dad’s reply:
Loving Son,
£20,000,000 transferred to your bank account.
Please stop embarrassing yourself.
Go get yourself a train too.

147 3

The lady

An old lady visits a doctor’s clinic.

Lady: I have a slight problem with gas, although it doesn’t bother me too much. Whenever I fart, it’s always silent and it never smells. And, to tell you the truth, I’ve farted at least 10 times since I have been here in your clinic. I am sure, you didn’t notice it because there is no smell or sound.

Doctor: I understand. I will give you some pills. Take one pill a day & come back to see me in 4 days.

After 4 days, the old lady comes back and complains to the doctor.

Lady: Doctor, I don’t know what on earth you gave me, but now it stinks terribly whenever I fart.

Doctor: Great! Now that we have cleared up your nose, let’s work on your hearing.

148 3


Husband: Babe, I had an accident after work today. Catherine took me to the hospital. After an X-ray, they said, my knees have dislocated and they will have to amputate my right leg.

Wife: Who is Catherine?

142 1

Don’t scare the Cheerleaders

3 Blondes are watching a horror film.

Tiffany says

“We’ve seen this film all the cheerleaders get murdered by the axeman”

Mandy  goes


Jenny says

“Yeh it’s the creepy old janitor we have seen it.”

Mandy goes


So Jenny asks.

“Why are you shushing us? I’ve seen the film, Tiffany’s seen the film, you’ve seen the film we all know what happens.”

And Mandy cries

“But the cheerleaders haven’t seen it, you’re going to scare them!”

82 5

Ugly Baby

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

13 1