It hurts everywhere I touch

A blonde goes to the doctor.

Doctor: What seems to be the problem?

She touches her forehead with her finger and says “My head hurts here, ouch”.

She touches her leg with her finger and says “My leg hurts here, ouch”.

Everywhere I touch, it hurts doctor.

The doctor looks over the blonde for a second.

Doctor: Your finger is broken.

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I want that TV

A blonde walks into an appliance store, she goes to the cashier and says “I’d like to buy that television”.

The cashier replies “We don’t sell to blondes”.

Furious, the blonde storms out of the store.

The next day the blonde goes back to the store but with a black wig on. She goes to the same cashier and says “I’d like to buy that television”.

The cashier replies “We don’t sell to blondes”.

Confused and angry the blonde says to him “How do you know I’m blonde? I have a black wig on!”

The cashier replies “Because that’s a microwave, not a television”.

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Irony of the Iron

A blonde walks into a doctor’s clinic with both her ears burnt.

Doctor: So, how did this happen?

Blonde: I was ironing my clothes and the phone rang. I picked up the iron by mistake instead of the phone.

Doctor: And what about the other ear?

Blonde: That idiot called again.

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A brunette, a red head and a blonde are running from the cops. They find a barn and hide in some potato sacks. The cop kicks the brunette. She says “meow-meow.” Cop says “Oh! Just a cat.” Then the cop kicks the red head and she says “Woof-woof.” The cop says “Oh! Just a dog.” Then the cop kicks the blonde and she screams “POTATO!!!!!”

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5 O’clock News

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink and sat on stools watching the 6 O’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump.
Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said, “I can’t take this, you’re my friend.”
But the blonde insisted saying, “No. A bet’s a bet.”
Then the redhead said “Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O’clock news, so I can’t take your money.”
The blonde replied “Well, so did I, but I didn’t think he would jump again!”

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It’s a Ferrari

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats”. Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

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Real Colour

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, “Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!”

She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, “If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?” The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try. The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, “157.”

The farmer was amazed – she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
“If I can guess the real colour of your hair, can I have my dog back?”

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